Minds On
Writing a story
Welcome to story writing. Being a skilled story writer takes practice. In this learning activity, you will revise your writing to include important details and description depending on its purpose.
Read the following two versions of the same part of a story.
| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| Then George looked out the window and saw a woman standing there. Then he got his present. Then the woman tried to jump through the window. | George moved the curtains slightly to look out the window. There she was. The woman from his dreams, standing on his front lawn on this cold, dark night. She was hardly visible in an all-black robe. He ran from the window to the closet where he kept his baseball bat. On his way back, he heard a crashing noise. The woman had jumped through the window and was crawling on the floor towards him. He screamed and started to run up the stairs. |
Student Success
Think-Pair-Share
Spend a few minutes considering each of the following questions. Record brief notes to have your ideas ready for the discussion.
- What did version 2 of the story do differently? List your ideas here.
- How did version 2 make you feel compared to version 1?
- List some descriptive words that make version 2 interesting.
- List some details that version 2 included that version 1 did not.
- List some details that version 2 included that version 1 did not.
If possible, exchange your answers with a partner. What did your answers have in common? How were they different?
Share: If possible, discuss the questions as a whole group. What are some common ideas across the different ideas shared?
Note to teachers: See your teacher guide for collaboration tools, ideas and suggestions.
Action
Adding details
In the Minds On, you probably noticed that version 2 of the story did a few things to improve on version 1 by focusing on word choice and sentence variety. In the following chart, there are some suggestions that you may have considered. Complete Strategies to Improve Your Writing in your notebook or use the following fillable and printable document to add examples from version 2 to the writing strategies
| Version 2 had … | Examples from the story … |
|---|---|
| A variety of different sentences (long ones, short ones, etc.) | |
| More adjectives describing characters and settings | |
| Different ways to start its sentences other than using the word “then” | |
| Additional details to make the story more believable |
Press the ‘Activity’ button to access Strategies to Improve Your Writing.
Writing task
Here is another story that can use more descriptive details. Your task is to re-write this story to make it sound and feel more believable. Use the strategies listed in the table that you just completed to help you.
Read or listen to the following story you need to re-write:
The Story
Our story begins in the New Mexico desert. Carla was hiking with her friend Fran. Then Carla walked past a cactus there and saw a tarantula crawling right under her foot. Then Carla screamed really loudly and then it turns out that the spider could talk and it said it wanted to eat her and started to run at Carla. It was okay though because Fran brought anti-tarantula spray and used it on the spider. Then the tarantula was now lying upside down on the desert floor. Then Carla and Fran kept walking and when they got home Carla’s mom had made them soup, but it had spider legs in it.
The Story
When you have finished your new draft, exchange it with a peer or partner, if possible. Read over each other’s stories and give feedback using the following template:
|
Two things that were done well: |
|
One thing that could be improved: |
Press the ‘Activity’ button to access Feedback Template.
Repeat by sharing with others, if possible, and use the same template, each time to apply the feedback that you receive for your story.
Consolidation
Starting with a sentence
Now, you are going to record a story starting from a single sentence using the strategies we practised.
You can choose one of the following sentences with which to start your story. Feel free to continue writing more sentences before or after the one you select.
| 1 | George was walking down the street, holding an ice cream cone. |
|---|---|
| 2 | The giraffe looked upset about something, but Abby was not sure what it was. |
| 3 | Finally, Ellie made it to her favourite store. |
Choose a mood that you want to make the reader feel in your story. If you want to choose a mood that is not listed, check with your teacher first.
| Moods: | ||
|---|---|---|
| eerie | sad | exciting |
| suspenseful | cheerful | bright |
| silly | fun | gloomy |
You can edit the starting sentence as needed.
Reflection
As you read the following descriptions, select the one that best describes your current understanding of the learning in this activity. Press the corresponding button once you have made your choice.
I feel...
Now, expand on your ideas by recording your thoughts using a voice recorder, speech-to-text, or writing tool.
When you review your notes on this learning activity later, reflect on whether you would select a different description based on your further review of the material in this learning activity.